


The Man

by Dawnlit_Waters



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Grayson (Comics)
Genre: Gen, crackish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 15:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14451948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnlit_Waters/pseuds/Dawnlit_Waters
Summary: Dick accidentally eavesdrops on the Skullgirls' schoolgirl talk at St. Hadrian's. What he hears worries him.





	The Man

"Tall, dark, handsome. Supreme dreamboat material."

"So charismatic that one could fall in love with him simply by seeing his photos."

"It's the good Scottish blood in his veins."

"C'mon, he's half-Scottish at best."

The Skullgirls' four-way conversation wafts over to a remote corner of the botanical garden at St. Hadrian's, where Dick Grayson is enjoying a rare almost-sunny English afternoon. He scoots a little to his left, making sure his form is completely hidden from their view by a patch of belladonna. It seems they've found someone else to crush on, which is great news to Dick. The last thing he wants right now is to make the girls aware of his presence and stir up their interest in him all over again.

"Anyway, I like his cars and gadgets more than I like him. So. Freaking. Cool."

Not a civilian then. Is the man a Spyral agent or someone the girls have studied in a class?

"Completely bonkers, those."

"Hey! It's not crazy if it works! Look at how he kicks those theatrical lunatics' ass left and right!"

How refreshing it feels to hear about theatrical lunatics outside of Gotham, Dick thinks as a smile spreads across his face.

"Yeah. I meant bonkers in a good way."

"Imagine getting your hands on his toys."

"Or better—imagine getting your hands on _him_."

" _I_ prefer men with a well-functioning sense of humor. He's all kinds of dark and broody deep down."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Dark and broody has been all the rage for two centuries! Who doesn't have a thing for Mr. Darcy?"

Ah. Women's penchant for the dark and broody. So many cases of such sentiment has he witnessed firsthand over the years!

"Speaking of Mr. Darcy…Our guy most definitely isn't short of money either, with his manor house and servant and everything."

Wait…Surely they aren't—

"Living with an old family servant is like living with a parent. Yikes."

No. There must be some other—

"Sadly, being capable in the field doesn't translate to being capable in the kitchen."

"He's an orphan. I'd wager he doesn't dislike the idea of having parental figures around as much as you do."

At this point, Dick can no longer deny Bruce and the man being discussed are one and the same. It's one thing for the core Spyral personnel to know about Batman's secret identity, it's another to allow the students at St. Hadrian's to become privy to it as well. Who made such an irresponsible decision and put these girls still in training for spycraft in unnecessary danger? On top of that, why didn't whoever informed them hammer into their head the idea that they shouldn't ever talk about this sort of things so carelessly in the open? Or—it suddenly dawns on him—did these girls manage to figure it out on their own? Given they're all bright and sharp, one shouldn't dismiss such possibility. Regardless of how the girls came to know Bruce Wayne is Batman, he needs to warn them about the potential ramifications that come with the knowledge and help them stay out of harm's way.

Dick gets up and walks toward the chatting girls, feigning an act of coming across them during his casual stroll. "Good afternoon, _mesdemoiselles_." He dishes out the fake accent befitting his cover as a French gymnastics instructor.

"Good afternoon, Monsieur Léotard," the girls reply in unison.

Before Dick can open his mouth again, Lotti Duff continues. "Sir, we've been talking about James Bond—"

The small part of Dick's mind that hasn't gone blank with surprise is grateful for his ID protection implant that swirlifies his face. Popped-out eyes above a hanging jaw does not a dignified look make. As the ability to think returns to him, he wonders how come he failed to connect the dots—it's not like he hasn't heard the phrase "the James Bond of superheroes" thrown around, and he's currently in a school for _spies_ for crying out loud!

"—Matron Bertinelli has asked us to write an essay on how the depiction of espionage in fiction in turn influences espionage in real life. Would you care to share some insights?"

"It's a _très bon_ topic. I'd like to hear what you've come up with so far first," Dick says, copying his mentor's teaching approach. He looks forward to the next time he reports to base. Mr. "Wayne, Bruce Wayne" will likely get a chuckle—the Bat-equivalent of a good laugh—out of what just happened.

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, Bruce Wayne and James Bond, especially the book version, share many character traits. I'm not saying the two of them are alike, because they aren't--it's just they happen to appear quite similar in a number of aspects, enough for one to find it interesting. Additional fun fact: Book!Bond has a good-humored close friend/partner/sidekick/colleague too (in the form of Felix Leiter, in case you're wondering). I tried, but couldn't fit this parallel into the fic, which is a shame.
> 
> Bruce being seen as "the James Bond of superheroes" is somewhat canon. Barry calls him exactly that in the Flashpoint animated movie.
> 
> Dick's alias Léotard comes from [Jules Léotard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jules_L%C3%A9otard), the inventor of the flying trapeze.
> 
> -
> 
> Feedback in any form is most welcome. <3


End file.
